In order to understand Michael you must first know how he was. He was the older brother, never depended on anyone but himself, he was stubborn to the infinite degree ! You told him you cant do that, he made sure you saw him do it. He started working in the fields at a young age, he had always worked. He was independent and refused to ask for help, he didn't like to show emotion to everyone he was tough and had it all under control. But life has a way of ripping us out of our comfort zone, and showing us a new way.. but we aren't always opened to it or willing to accept it .
July 4, 2012 the day life changed. Dr. Zafar had just informed us of the diagnosis. Colon Cancer. One tiny word, changed us. It seemed so surreal to me. I was sitting there listening to him, but I wasn't hearing him. Michael was holding on to my hand and he shook it, "please listen to what he has to say, I need you to understand " he said. I was listening things were being processed by my brain, but it hadn't sank in. Then like a snap of my fingers I went into super woman mode like he used to say. I asked so many question. I took over the whole session. I needed to be informed I didn't want surprises I needed to know everything, my brain was absorbing all the information. In that moment I decided no more tears, we have to fight .
The oncologist went on to explain that he had found several tumors around his colon, it was bad he said. How bad?... well if you asked us then, not too bad. I don't think either of us wanted to acknowledge the severity of the issue. The doctor then asked Michael if cancer was something that ran in his family, he said no. He said well the reason you have it this bad and why it is getting worse is because it a genetic deficiency he said. I mean it was bad enough he had cancer, now with that news he lost it, the fear set it, but not for him but for his brothers. His main concern at that moment was them.
The doctor asked if he had siblings he quickly said "yes, but they wont have it or will ever get it,".. the doctor looked puzzled , but Michael in this calm voice just said I will go through this so that they wont have to. He was selfless always, his concern was never him but always his family. I admire that, he was willing to go to extremes to protect them . Before the doctor left he told us that he would need to have surgery to cut off part of his colon, and have a colostomy , That would help his colon heal from the damage and it would god willing be a temporary procedure until chemo began.
Chemotherapy the doctor informed us would begin as soon as he healed from surgery, he would have the port placed in while he had his colostomy done. So many new terms , a whole new language. My head was spinning. I just wanted to walk out and breathe. I t felt like that whole time I had stopped breathing. My brain was giving me all these scenarios , all I wanted to do was Google the damn statistics!.. but how dare I limit him to numbers?! He was a fighter and I wasn't going to limit his rate, I was going to do everything I could to increase them . Here I was sitting there drowning in my own thoughts, and there he was looking at me. I had so many things to say, I didn't know where to begin. We had a heart felt conversation, I told him I was going to be there through everything, we would get through this together. He smiled at me and said we are going to kick its ass.
Then his expression changed to sorrow, heartbreak. I looked at him and told him its ok to be scared , he looked at me and said " I'm not, I know I will beat this, but Zaira how am I going to tell my mom?"... he hated seeing his mom cry like we all do. He was so worried about how she was going to take the news, the last thing he wanted was for her to worry about him. One of the hardest things for him was telling her. His mom walked into the room, with his brother and sister in law, she looked at his expression and instantly knew something was wrong.
They locked eyes, and he started to cry, he said mom I have cancer. She instantly hugged him and began to cry, "no" she said " it cant be , the doctors must be wrong". He held on to her like a little boy holding on to his mom after falling. He cried he let it all out, then stopped looked at his mom and told her I don't want you to cry , you have to be strong mom. I will fight this I promise everything will be ok. He told everyone that he was going to fight it, and it might not be easy but he wasn't going to give up. He turned looked at me , held my hand and said " you have always been there for m through tick and thin, we have had our ups and downs but I know that I need you and I want you next to me through this, please don't let me fall," ..Like I would let you go through this alone I said, be serious I told him. He laughed and hugged me.
A day full of tears, full of worry. I felt the weight on my shoulders, I was determined to be strong for him, that was going to be the last time he saw me cry, I thought. He needs me to be his rock, in those moments I transformed .
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