Finally hospital stay..

Weeks turned into months. Time was passing us by, I noticed changes in him he seemed to be doing good. His pain had decreased, he was staying positive. He had given up all control, he didn't take life so serious, weird. This whole situation was serious but it was different now. I can't explain it. It was just different. He would tell me he was feeling better, that sharp pain had minimized. Gracias a Dios I thought. Chemo was still a pain in the ass. It left him so weak, but he didn't complain anymore. He was changed. His treatments were coming to an end he was going to get another PET can soon.

He had chemo this particular day, it was routine now, our life had become routine. I don't like a routine, I like to be spontaneous. Anyway I took him to chemo he didn't want me to stay, I went home and disinfected the house. He couldn't afford to get sick. One of the nurses called me and told me  that he wasn't feeling good, I went back. He was throwing up. He was dizzy and just didn't feel right. He was having some sharp pain in his back. He hadn't felt that pain before. He sat through treatment anyway. I managed to get him home. He was sick through the car ride. He sat in the couch and tried to relax. The nurse had given him nausea medicine and it had yet to kick in. His brother was helping him move back and forth to the bathroom. Michael lets go to the ER his face told me everything. I sat down. Fine I said. Then all of a sudden the sharp pain started in his kidneys, crap I thought. We are going to ER you might have an infection. You already have a drain in one kidney you don't need this other one to have any issues I told him. I put my foot down, we are going. I dragged him the ER.

We got to the ER, it was super busy. But because he had just had chemo he was seen immediately. The doctor came in, one of the regulars. He was familiar with Michael and his record . Mr. Rangel what bring you in today he asked. He told him he was having some pain in his left kidney and his nausea was bad. Well I will run all the test,  he said and we will see what it looks like. He checked his drains, his colostomy . We waited. I just had a feeling he was going to be admitted. The doctor came back, all the test are good. You are doing good despite what is going on. The kidneys look good, the one with the drain looks so much better now as well. You heart rate is a bit high as well as you blood pressure. I don't feel comfortable letting you go with those numbers. You might have an infection. I will admit you so you can get more test done. As far as all that was checked you don't have an infection but your blood pressure should not be where its at.

We looked at each other, I was worried. We had been through this before but it was different something was different. I let his family know we were staying the night. Sorry he said. Shut up I told him this is what we have to do for you to be ok then lets roll with it. I laughed. I was tired but he didn't need to know that, he needed support he needed life to be fun. I tried. We settled in to hour hotel of choice. The doctors checked him the next day, there was a minor infection nothing big, not enough to cause the blood pressure to be high or his heart rate. They treated the infection. I didn't see the doctors worried, it calmed my nerves down. It was our second day in, his oncologist came in he didn't see a need for him to be there his blood pressure had gone back to normal . I will release you tomorrow. GREAT I thought, lets go home. That day the nurse had asked him to walk a bit, to stretch his legs. Ok he said, that's fine, I helped him up and we started walking. usually the nurses where fine with me just walking with him, not this time. She insisted on being by his side. Good thing too. As we made our was to the hallway, he said he felt weird, ok I said lets  go back. As we were going back something happened to this day I don't know what it was, he started having a bad pain a hard time breathing, he got light headed. I need to sit down he said. All his weight was on me, crap I need a chair I told the nurse. A male nurse saw me trying to hold him up, he ran to me and helped me. Another nurse brought in a chair. He started breathing hard, we all managed to get him to the bed. The nurses where trying to calm him down. Michael take deep breaths please, in and out she said. One of the other nurses paged a doctor, he started having pain, his blood pressure was high, his heart rate was in the 180's . The machines started beeping, I held his hand, Michael look at me I told him, breathe in and out, focus on me.. breathe with me. He nodded and focused , he was sweating , with my other hand I grabbed a paper and fanned him.

I was shitting bricks, I was so damn scared. WTF happened. Why is this happening, God please I need him to be ok I thought. He focused and he relaxed his heart rate went back to the 80's he was better, but his heart rate was still a bit high. The nurses gave him medicine for the blood pressure that also helped. He was finally able to talk. What happened I asked? I don't know, I was fine but all of a sudden I just had this hard time breathing I got scared and I think on top of it I had an anxiety attack. Ok well are you ok now? yes he held my hand, I'm sorry I scared you. Well don't do that shit again! I told him. When you are having anxiety tell me please, I can help you I will try and relax you , somehow someway. Ok he said. He held my hand, I need you to know something he said, ok I told him. If anything happens to me, I need you to be strong for my mom. I tried to walk away, he didn't let me. Please listen, but you are going to be fine why are you telling me this? He was calm and said it again, please listen. I need you to be strong for me ok? I need you to be strong for my mom, a lot of this she doesn't understand. I know how much she cries over me, I see the pain in her eyes. I see it in you, I hate that I'm causing that. But I know you are stronger than anyone, I need you to be strong for her please. Ok I said, I will. But just stop.

Who is going to be strong for me I thought? Then before I could even go further into that I pushed it out of my head. Nope I wont give that negative thought my damn energy. I hated when he said that it would seriously fuck me up. I walked out and went to the chapel it had become my refuge. I wanted to scream, I didn't . I sat in the same chair as always staring at the pictures. My mind was blank. I had nothing. My heart was full, but I refused to let it talk. That night shit hit the fan. It was maybe eleven I had fallen asleep. I heard him yell for me, zaira help me he said. I jumped up so fast, what's wrong I said, I feel so hot, I saw the monitor his heart rate was going up. I uncovered him, its fine I said I fanned him down. Its ok I said, you are fine. His heart rate kept going up, the machine started beeping warning the night crew that something was off. The nurse came in, are you ok? I responded I think he might be having an anxiety attack. Michael just take breaths she said. I will call the doctor to get you something for the anxiety. she left the room. Michael please calm down, I am calm he said. Ironically he was, he was cool as a cucumber but according to him body he wasn't. It was crazy.

His heart was would increase to insane levels then decrease. Then to top that cake of his blood pressure dropping. The nurse came in, ok I have paged the doctor on call I do not like how your rate is. He was having shortness of breath the nurse got oxygen for him. The doctor on call came in , he saw his vital signs and I could see the worry in his eyes. Mr. Rangel are you having chest pains? No he responded, do you have numbness in your arms. No he replied. Well Mr. Rangel this isn't normal I am concerned you might be having a heart attack. I will have the nurse give you two pills they will go under your tongue let them dissolve. What does that do I asked, well if he is having a heart attack that will help his body. WTF my head was spinning, I sat on the couch and just saw the nurses come in and out of the room. The doctor ordered a echogram . I had no words. Is this really happening I thought. The nurses left but they kept coming in every ten minutes or sooner. He was on oxygen we were waiting on the tech to perform the echogram. Michael please calm down I think its your anxiety, ok he said I will.

How stupid was I? Here I was trying to calm him down blaming the anxiety. Now I see, of course I didn't then. I didn't want to see what was happening. The echogram was done , and checked by the doctor, well nothing abnormal he said, but because of the heart rate I will have to move you to the second floor. Ok why I asked? Well this floor is the oncology floor so we are not equipped to have a heart monitor on him. At this point I want a heart monitor on him. On the second floor he will get one and a nurse will be a signed to him and him only, here in this floor a nurse looks after more than one patient. So I have ordered a switch , you will be moving shortly.

Ok then I packed all of our stuff and at two in the morning we were moving down. We arrived to the second floor and I unloaded all of the stuff, the nurses checked him again. They got familiar with his case, the heart monitor was placed and they left us alone. Sleep I told him, rest I will sit here , I promise. I'm so tired he said, I know sleep. He did I was wide awake, no way I was sleeping . I couldn't . I was scared. I sat next to him, and watched him. I sat there and stared at the machine, watching his heart rate. It was starting to go down. Thank god, I thought. Stop I heard him say. What do you mean I said. You are supposed to be sleeping. I cant because you are worried, I can feel you staring at me. Ugh I told him, you are so damn good looking I just cant stop!.. He laughed please sleep he said, I cant I told him.

We spent the remainder of the night talking about how we met, about our dates. About our memories, he laughed I hadn't heard that laugh in so long, it was good to hear it again. That relaxed me I dozed off. I woke up to the nurse checking his vital signs. He looked so up beat and good His heart rate went back to normal. I had no idea what had happened but I was glad he was back to normal. After half a day of him being back to normal and the cardiologist coming in and talking to him and him having another echogram, all test came back normal.

I had no idea what was going on , but I didn't care he was fine. He was then ordered back to the oncology floor. Here we go I said, back to your section. He laughed yea!