Struggles

It was bsd enough he had the colostomy and now he also had a pump attached to him, all day. He began to get more and more frustrated with the situation. He HATED being less than "normal"he refused to leave the house for anything other than therapy. I left it alone. We would  stay home and watch movies , his start wars series was the favorite. I didnt mind staying in, it wasnt the norm for us, but I didnt care. I just wanted him to be ok.

The weeks passed and his therapy continued as the sessions progressed his pain minimized. He kept looking and feeling normal again. He was so happy. The pain is almost gone he would tell me, I feel so good. He stopped taking all pain medicine. The pump was taken off, snd he was ordered to use bandages until the wound closed up. Soo much progress!!!

We were so happy but cancer doesn't only give you and emotional rollercoster it also gets you financially. He was on a medical leave of absence from work, he still had insurance . Thank god for that it helped us so much. But he still had our regualr bills plus his medication, he had to pay for some, his medical supplies . It was a lot. He was only receiving a disability payment from his isurance 220 every two weeks. His car payment a lone was six hundred dollars. Struggling was an understatement. I was missing a lot of work to be with him, his mom was helping us a lot. But it was a financial stress for her too. He worried daily about bills. How are we going to do this? Why do I have to be a burden to you guys? Im sorry I can't help.

He had enough to worry about. I would often tell him you need to focus on your health, let me figure the money issue out. Please just keep fighting. Like I said before I went into detective mode, I researched. I found some places that helped with co payments , I found places that helped pay for his colostomy supplies. His oncologist office found help for him as well. Some how, some way we made it every month. One less stress for him. Money was tight, but he always worried about someone else. He saw and heard so many stories when he would have chemotherapy.

He would get home and be sad and bummed out, I would ask him what was wrong. Told me I saw this little old lady having therapy today, how can she handle it? It can be so hard for me some days and she has therapy more often. I hate seeing older people go through it. I would take on her pain if i could. And she is always alone no one goes with her no one takes her, she is alone. How can anyone let her go through this alone? .. that broke his heart , he thanked me for not leaving his side for being his rock.He never seezed to amaze me. He had the biggest heart and he hardly let anyone see , how amazing he was.

My regret is not letting him know often enough. I would tell him I loved him daily even when he pissed me off. Because he made me oh so mad lol. But im telling you now you are one of the most gentle, big hearted soul I have ever met .

His sixth session was approaching us very quickly, we were so excited but so very scared. After six sessions of therapy he would have to take another PET scan. To see if the cancer had slowed down if the medicine he was on was working, if he would need something stronger. It was the time to check the progress. Don't ask me how, but I knew in my heart he was going to be ok. That the test was going to be positive, no more bad news.