Escape goat

I don't know, if Michael really heard what I had to say. But I told him how I felt , and I gave my opinion. He had been doing chemo for two weeks now, it was hard. He was depressed to a degree, he didn't know how to handle everything. While on chemo it was hard for him to even walk. He was completely drained. He didn't want to do anything, I asked him to take showers he didn't see a point, he refused to eat anything. I would change his dressing on his wounds, and his colostomy bag. If it leaked or if he didn't like how I did it he would get mad . I was his escape goat. It was easy for him to blame someone for what was going on. He was becoming more distant. He was pushing me away.

He stopped talking to me about anything, I was hurt and disappointed. We needed to be strong we needed to be united as one. I gave him space. I let him take all his frustration out on me. Once I'm hurt I become a hermit. I stay quiet, I go back into my shell. That's how I was, I did what needed to be done, I didn't say anything to him. I gave him his medicines I order supplies, I made his appointments I took him to his appointment. We were two strangers. I felt like an outcast at his house. I tried talking to him, he wouldn't talk to me. You just don't get it, you never will. Ok I would tell him and walk away. There was only so much I could take. It came to the point where he asked me to leave and give him space.

I looked at him and said, ok. If that's what you want and if that means you will keep fighting then I will leave. He hurt me, I just wanted to help him. I got up and took a drive , I was so hurt I couldn't even look at him. I didn't recognize this person. I sat in the park for a few hours, just thinking about everything. I was planning on leaving that night, I was going to get home pack a bag and head to my moms house.

When I got home, his mom was there, I think she new something was off. She asked me if I was ok, I said yea I'm fine. She sat me down and told me about a dream she had, that she was at home and that I was leaving and she had asked me to stay. I smiled wow well I am leaving I told her. Michael asked me to leave. Why she asked, I don't know I told her I really don't know. I think he's trying to protect me and not deal with all of this, but what he doesn't know is that he is hurting me more. But I said, I'm going to leave I don't feel comfortable being here anymore. Its awkward and painful . She asked me not to but it wasn't her decision anymore.

Michael had gone with his brother, I showered and went to the room, I grabbed my luggage and packed the basics. I cried , I couldn't believe he didn't want me around. We had been through so much for him to treat me like this. He got home, and laid down. What are you doing he said, what you asked me to. I can't and wont be treated like crap anymore. I get that you are mad, and you are hurting but don't take it out on me. Its enough. Its not my fault this is happening, all your frustrations you take out on me, you don't realize how much you hurt me with those words. I have stood by your side through so much for you to treat me like this. I will always be here for you but not here anymore.

I didn't mean for you to leave he said, yes you did I told him. Its fine. I didn't realize I was hurting you, I'm just so mad. I know I said . But its not my fault. No its not, he said. But I just don't know what to do, I have all this anger in my, this pain I feel like its killing me. Its so much please don't leave. Maybe its best that I do. No he said, I need you. You and my mom are the only reason I am still fighting, you give me strength , you are my rock. I am so sorry . I love you and I need you.

Michael, I know its hell right now. But you need to talk to me, I don't know how you feel . Learn to communicate you are not alone. You are used to doing things on you own but this you can't do on your own. You have your family behind you and me, we are here to help you. So let us. I sat in the bed and I cried, I was hurt, mad, disappointed everything I had been holding back I let out.

Zaira, he said please don't cry. I hate seeing you like this. I don't like to see you cry I hate that I am doing this to you. I can be strong I said, but I  cant handle you hurting me like this. You are my ride and die he said, I promise I wont hurt you anymore, I need you. I promise I will always be with you , I won't ever leave you alone, no mater what. I promise.