Money. What a word. It can define someone's life. I never cared about it, it wasn't ever important to me. Yes we need it to buy the necessary things in life but who cares , I had everything I wanted. I had always told Michael I don't care if you have money or if you don't. There are so much more important things in life. But let me tell you , money runs this world. How sad that is, people health's and well being are second to it.
We were finally back home! I was excited I know he was. Finally sleep in our bed, back to our normal , well for our normal. He was weak, he hadn't ate and he had just finished an infusion it wasn't enough. We had to wait for a nurse to come to the house and teach me how to properly hook him up. We also had to wait for all of his bags of TPN to come in. He wasn't so excited , in the meantime I made him some soup , bought him Jell-O. He had a bit of soup but he just didn't have an appetite. Please at least try to eat something I would tell him, I just cant he would say.
He looked so weak, and fragile. This was so weird to me, I never expected to see him like this. He was always so strong and full of life, always laughing and joking. I didn't recognize this man in front of me. I knew this could happen but I never thought it would. I can't explain it. He had so may bottles of medicines, a cocktail daily some every four hours. He HATED taking medicine, he would fight me every time. I don't need it, he would tell me. Just please humor me I would tell him, take it, lets not do this today. He always took it, would be annoyed with me for always being on him about it. He would get mad, I didn't care. He needed to take it. Don't baby me he would tell me, I'm not a child. Well Michael then don't act like one. You know you have to take medicine so why fight it. He was done with me, he knew I was right but he was mad. Not at me but at the situation, but it was easier for him to blame me.
I was used to it. Did I like it? nope but I understood where he was coming from, it didn't excuse him by any means. But what was I supposed to do? He was going through hell. The next day I got up and I found Michael on the phone, he was talking to someone he seemed very excited. I made him breakfast an egg and a toast, his TPN hadn't came in yet. He was done with the call and told me that he had talked to the personnel manager at his job, and she was going to try and help him get an extension. Great I said. I hope you get it. You need it. They had expected him back to work by the end of the month but with all the current events that wasn't going to be possible.
He had finally gotten approved for social security and that was going to start the following week. Thank god I said, see when one door is slammed in our face he opens up a window. We just have to have faith in him, and trust that things will work out. Yea he said you are right, they always seem to. I was given some websites of organizations that help cancer patients financially. I applied to so many it was crazy, I kept reaching and found more. He was denied to most of them, but like I told him maybe someone needs it more than you. God only know. With social security we had enough to make it by, sometimes. But somehow someway we always made it through the month.
We had organized a car wash, and I had set up a profile for him on a website for donations. His medications were ridiculously expensive and we needed some savings if the extensions for work didn't go through. He was so grateful to see how much people helped , how his friends helped him. He wanted to be part of the car wash, he wanted to help. I didn't let him, I told him he needed to rest and stay home. He could be so stubborn. We raised a good amount of money to help us. I am very grateful to those that took the time off those two days and helped us. You will never understand the impact it had on him and me.
For now we were ok financially not great but I was grateful for being ok. So many other people we ran into that weren't ok, Michael felt the pain for them, the struggle. So may times he would come home from chemo and he would be so sad, and mad. Zaira you should see these older ladies they remind me of my mom or grandma, sitting there alone dealing with all of this. No one calls them or visit them, the struggle to get to therapy and they have to find away to get home. Why do they have to go through that? I would take on more if it meant they wouldn't have to feel this pain. How can the family just leave them alone through this? I am so grateful to have the support of my family and you. I am so blessed and I don't even realize it.
He saw the world so different know, we both did. Before all of this, we went through the world not really appreciating the little things in life. Rushing through life. Now we saw. The faults of the world, the suffering, the blessings, the need for love and compassion.
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