Broken Piece.

I saw " Heaven is for Real" one because I have read the book with Michael. In those dark moments, where he had doubt the future of the " what if" . I found this book, or maybe it was shown to me.. anyway I read it and it just reinforced my belief. I asked Michael to read it.. to which he gave me that stubborn look. You want me to read?! haha .. So I would read him passages. He was interested indeed. It gave him something to think about. Something to ponder. So when this movie came out, I didn't know if I wanted to see it. It was something we shared. But it was in the back of my mind. I asked a friend to go with me. He was super hesitant its not his type of movie. But he agreed non the less.

I watched it and something just resonated with me. Just hit me, like yea that's true. For me anyway. One of the characters said to another " don't be afraid to show me your broken piece".. That piece of us that breaks when someone leaves us. Then I realized that I will always have that broken piece with me. It will never truly heal. Yes I have accepted what happened , I get that he is here in a different form. But I still have a broken piece.

I still hurt. I still cry. I don't think that will ever heal. I have moments when I just say what the fuck! Why did this bullshit happen. I get angry. There are moments when I look at pictures and I break down. I have moments where I smell his cologne on someone else and my heart just breaks all over again. It will never be the same. The piece of me will always be missing , broken, his.

But I am allowed to feel like this. I am not perfect. I am human. Just as I cry , I laugh. Those same pictures that made me cry that time , some days cause me so much joy I can't help myself. I have healed to some degree. But that piece will always be his. I learned to allow myself to feel whatever it is that I need to. No judgement's just me releasing . I can't be holding on anymore. I don't want to . I'm over that phase . OVER IT.

All I am saying is. I have a broken piece. Its ok. I accept it. I embrace it. I have changed because of it, this has made me stronger . Because of this broken piece , I get what others are going through. I give love to those that need it because I KNOW what they are feeling or going through. Kindness and love I have learned to give without hesitation, to embrace it if given. We are all connected. My pain is your pain. Your pain is mine. We are learning to give love just because.

 Its a beautiful thing this broken piece it has opened my eyes. It has made this easier in a way. It has humbled me. Because now I understand pain. So often I thought I did. Nope, but now I do. I embrace it.