Humbled

 I know this blog started of as me writing about my experiences with Michael. Now I think it has evolved to more than that. I'm not quiet sure what that is. I have grown a lot, still am. It is evolving with me. If you have read the beginning of this blog then you have seen the change in me. I feel more opened now, more full of life. Its still about learning experiences though. Not as extreme as in the beginning or as painful, but lessons non the less. Maybe for those that read them too. WHO knows. Lets be real, I write what I feel I need to. I am not on here daily, nope. I write it because I get the urge to, I have learned to go with it.

So I had to wash on Saturday so I gathered my clothes and took my happy bum to wash. I had been running around that day, but I took time for me. I hiked. Goodness the relaxation that hiking gives me is incredible. I feel so much peace and in a way I feel renewed. Beautiful thing. I re energize. Its my me time. When I hike my mind is blank, nothing is thought of, I just breathe and enjoy the beautiful scenery that was given to us. Best feeling ever. The only other place that gives me this kind of balance is the water, how I love the ocean..

Anyways, I was washing. I sat in this table and was looking out the window. This man who happened to be homeless asked if he could sit in the other chair. I looked at him and said yes. I continued to go back to my day dream state. He was eating a dollar burger from McDonald's. He looked at me and said, " Do you know what?".. I smiled and said I sure don't.. He said " Today God has blessed me more than what I expected and more than what I deserved.".. Hmm It took me a minute to process this.. Blessed him? ok I thought no judgments here, just listen.

He continued, you see " I have food", to which he showed me his burger. He dug through his pockets and pulled up some rolled up dollars. " I have FOUR whole dollars, and a cigarette ".. I looked at him in awe. He looked and me and gave me the most genuine smile , it was contagious. I smiled right back. He continued
" Do you see how much he has given me today!?" I didn't get it, to me he had nothing.. But to him it was more than enough. " God knows what I need , he gave me food, and four whole dollars today. Today I won't go hungry, today I have four whole dollars, man god is so good to me"

Here I was, washing, with a roof over my shoulders, a job, money , a car and I had been thinking I didn't have enough. How selfish of me. Here I was worried about stupid stuff that have no right to be in my head, stuff that doesn't even matter. Here he was, homeless, without family , with a half eaten burger and four dollars and he was more than satisfied with his blessings. WOW ... In that moment I was embarrassed, I felt ashamed. How dare I complain? I had more than enough.

He humbled me.
He made me think.
He opened my eyes.

Money. That is everyone's worry, me included. It makes our little world go around. But what is money with out happiness, without health. Not a damn thing. He had health and he was happy. The money was just a blessing.

A blessing that most of us take for granted, that most of us wish we had more. But when will it be enough? What is money if you can;t enjoy it? I have money, enough to live , enough to pay my bills. Enough to take care of myself. Money comes and goes. Money couldn't save Michael, it helped ease the pain. But in those final moments the thing that sustained us that gave us strength was the love we have for one another. That's it. That is the only thing that still remains. Love. It surpasses everything.

So I sat there in awe of this man. He had it right. He loved and had kindness for everyone. He sat there enjoyed his burger and sang. I pulled out the few bucks I had on me and gave it him. Not because I felt he needed some  but because he showed me something that I needed reminding of. He looked at me and smiled even bigger. Nothing in life is coincidence he said, god sent me to you for a reason, and he sent you to me. He just keeps on giving. With that he held my hand and said a prayer. He left. Just like that he came to me and humbled me.

We run into people for a reason. Some stay in our life for years , months and some just a few minutes. They all serve a purpose in our life. It is up to us to see what that purpose is, what the lesson is. I saw the lesson, I understood the message he brought me. I was humbled. I have so many blessings. Some might have pity for me, I see in in there eyes when they look at me. Poor her she looks "sad" poor her look at what she has dealt with. What I have "dealt" with was a choice. I chose to be by his side, It was hard but I chose it. I dealt with lots of unconditional love. That's what I had. The other stuff was nothing compared to the love we had.

But the truth is I am good. Don't pity me for life has given me everything that I need. Everything. Some are just disguised in pain, in darkness. But it all is a lesson for me. I learned to embrace the darkness and see the light coming through it. Don't pity me, because this is what has brought me to this beautiful place I am in. We all have lessons to learn, I have embraced mine. It wasn't an easy task by any means but I embrace them. Some people are not ready for theirs, and that's OK. To each its own.

I am right where I am supposed to be.