Release and Create

"Faced with inevitable change, the choice was mine. I could fight until my spirit was weary, or I could release all resistance and create something new in my changed world" - Dan Jackson


... But really read that, can you grasp it? We face situations in life that will just be that. Inevitable. How we react to them pretty much defines the whole issue. We can see the darkness of the situation or we can choose to see the light, the lesson.


I know its not easy. Believe me, not easy at all. But knowing everything that I have been through it has to be done. We must learn to release and let it be. We must learn to deal with whatever the hell is thrown at us and learn to embrace the inevitable change.


I swear the main lesson for this lifetime for me has got to be to let go. Time and time again I have been forced to. Believe me I fight and fight and resist, but then boom I see it, I need to let go. You would think that after what happened with Michael I would of learned it. I mean I have to a degree but apparently not to complete mastered yet. But I have noticed I have learned to see things differently, but yes I still so resist and yes I still fight. But I don't hold on for as long as I usually  tend to.


In August my home was broken into and everything was taken. Walking into my home, seeing it destroyed , seeing all my belongings on the floor, was heart breaking. I just stood there puzzled in awe. I could not understand how someone could break in and take things, break things. My soul was torn. I know there is bad in the world I get it. But the things they took I could never replace.


Never.


I felt the tears roll down my cheeks. I didn't care that they took the laptop, the TV , I immediately looked for my back up.  For that held the most precious things to my heart. My memories. The pictures, the videos. Just like that gone. Years and years of memories gone. Then in that moment as if he knew I needed him I looked down and on my wrist his watch. The only thing I had left. Then I cried and really cried. That morning , I kept looking at that watch, thinking I should wear it. But I kept telling myself no, it fits you big will only get in the way I thought. But right before I left for work, I stared at it, and without thinking I grabbed it and slipped it on.


I choose to believe it was him , telling me to take it. I am so glad I did. I listened to my intuition. That watch holds so many memories. Everything he ever gave me was gone, taken by someone that saw just as an object, someone who didn't know the struggle behind it, all it had seen. All that we went through.  That was heart breaking. But what could I do now?


I stood in the middle of the room , clothes all over the place and my poor Sami next to me scared to death. This was it. I was now bare. Everything gone. I looked at a picture of him and I said ok then.


In that moment I understood. Those pictures those things needed to be removed from my life, not because of anything other than it needed to be released. I wouldn't of done it. So they universe found a way of doing it for me. Now I had no choice but to let go. I had nothing else to hold on to. Nothing. Then I knew that I in some way I was still holding on. I would sit and watching videos of him. My heart still with him.


He needed me to let go completely. He needed me to be bare, to start from nothing. Those things I carry in my heart. I will forever . But now its different , now I have this blank hard drive if you will for me to fill with new ones.  Now I had to truly start from nothing and create.


It was a beautiful gift given to me. I would of appreciated if I got in in a better package. But I know that I wouldn't of listened. This got my attention. Oh the universe works in mysterious ways. But through this experienced I saw another gift the universe gave me that I didn't expect. The gift of love.


Love, so many people love me. So many people without hesitation gave me things to help me out. Gave me love gave me support. The universe gave me a warm hug, to console me, to lift me higher. I am grateful for that. For those people that showed me love, because well that's what they knew I needed.


Yes I have recovered some items thanks to those wonderful souls. But I am grateful for this chance to rebuild. I know that he is with me, I am never truly alone. He is watching me always. I get it, but I also know he wants me happy.


From this too I shall rise.


Zaira